One step forward. One step back. I want to curse, but Ive been told its rude. Rude and wrong. Rude and wrong like the man who strips me in his head. Wrong that I want him to. Wrong the way I like my erotic literature. Wrong that I place those two words together. An oxy-moron they'd laugh. Those elitist pigs.
Confined. Confined in my little cell.Im unable to make associations with sentances anymore. Its been a year since they let me in. I passed their exams. They call it the slaughterouse. I used to wonder why. Now I know. They cut meat in here. Dark Red Meat. For the rest of them to eat. If you get their questions right, you can cut meat as well. I passed their exam. Felt elitist and above the rest. The exclusivity of it all. Happy that I got chosen over certain others. Now I cut meat.

They tell me what to think. Nudity is forbidden. Even in the head. They have those monitors. The thought-police they're called. I had his body in my mind for a wihle. They've erased it now. Quick and easy erasing. Like they cut the meat. Now I can't see him even when I want to. Its a good thing, they say its required for closure. Removal of the person. He hasn't gone. I still talk to him. Merely his body left when he said goodbye.

I see the man walk up to me. The damn mind-reader. Spy undercover. I slept with him before I found out. He was so busy trying to read my mind, couldn't give me an orgasm.

I must get rid of these thoughts before he sees me. Must think happy thoughts. I remember the 'Don't think of pink elephants' tale my dad used to tell me. Happy thoughts. Pink elephants. Dont think of him, fucking idiot. It could get you killed.